Day 1 ...again

   I have been saying that I want to lose weight since I was 12. I cannot honestly remember a time when I was at all comfortable with my body. That being said, I can remember a time when I could care less about how my body looked, because like most kids I was busy doing other things... like being a kid, for example. I was one of those kids who was always taller than you; kindergarten through 6th grade, you looked up at me. And then, in 7th grade, it hit! I remember walking into school on the first day of 7th grade and being absolutely shocked at how tall my peers had gotten over those glorious 3 months of freedom. I was still quite a bit taller than a lot of my classmates, at 5'7 (pretty average height for a female, I reckon) but that's NOT my point here, so I'll get back to it. The summer before 6th grade, I put on 20-30 or so pounds and grew a few inches. I later found that I wasn't actually destined to be any taller than 5'7, which somewhat disappointed me. It was that year that I really started to become aware of my body and the fact that I was, well fat, or so I thought. So, here was middle school Meadow standing 5 feet 7 inches and weighing it at about 150, then 160 where I stayed until my freshman year of college. Sure, there were times when I lost 10-12 pounds during volleyball season and whatnot, but for the most part, I stayed my same plump self. Onto college where I basically did nothing but stay indoors, study, and eat... I did a lot of eating, let me tell you. There are a lot of different types of people out there. Some people eat when their stressed, sad, mad, happy... you get the point. I am what I call a stress eater, but I also eat when I'm upset, or experiencing any emotion that is not optimal, really. To make a long and really boring story short, I gained 25 pounds from the time I graduated high school in June of 2010 until January of 2011 when I decided, come hell or high water, that I was going to shed this excess weight during 2011. It didn't matter if it took me all year, I was determined to make it work. Not only that, but I wanted to keep it off. So, I joined a gym, took a strength training class at school and started "watching what I ate." Before I knew it, I had dropped 17 pounds! I was ecstatic, ready to keep on truckin' and shedding those pounds until I reached my goal weight. And then... I went on vacation. Let me tell you, it was all downhill from there. That was near 3 months ago and I have almost gained back Every. Single. Pound. 
   
   At first, I was disgusted with myself. I did everything in my power to avoid the mirror: dress in the dark, shower with your eyes closed... You know those days when you're just so down on yourself. "You're such a fat cow. You'll never be successful at anything. You'lll never be in control of anything important, never make a difference. Hell, ya can't even control your own body, you fattie." Maybe I get a bit carried away sometimes, but don't we all? Like I said, that was my initial reaction. I have now been enlightened (hopefully this state of enlightenment lasts) and I have decided that this is just another hurdle, and I am capable of getting over it. And when I do get over it, and I say when because I WILL get over it... I am going to be, for lack of a better word, foxy. ;] 

   My plan? Well, I'm starting off with small goals. Goals that I can easily see, because at this point, it's difficult to imagine my body at 140-145 pounds. I recently purchased Jillian Michaels 'Ripped In 30' DVD and today was day ein. I'll tell you right now, it kicked my ass, but I feel good. I mean, I will feel good when my body gets used to the workouts, but right now I feel like crawling into a ball and hiding. So, I lied... I don't feel good, but I have foresight, you see? I know that I will eventually feel really good. On top of that, I took a 2 mile run, which didn't feel great either, not yet that is. And now, here I am. I am going to make this work. I am going to focus and I am going to find one thing to motivate me every day. Losing weight doesn't happen overnight (unless you had a baby, then technically, yeah) but it is possible. It's a journey that takes drive and an appetite (pardon the pun) to change the way you feel, look, and think. You have to actually want to be a healthier you. At the end of the day, that's the most important thing: your health. Feeling great, and looking AWESOME are just perks, right? 

   Today is the 6th day of September, that means that I have just under 4 months to lose this weight. I'm going to try to post at least once a week, about my progress and how I'm feeling. My nest post will be my measurements and maybe (if I can conjure up the courage) I'll post a few "before" photos. We'll see. I know that I don't really have anyone reading this, but it's a good way to help myself feel organized, I reckon. 

 There it is. Here I go! I hope you have a great week. :)  


Meadow 
http://www.jillianmichaels.com/    Become a member for only $4 a month... Try it out for 30 days! Tons of recipes, workouts, and tips that are tailored to YOU!  

"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect It's successful outcome." William James

Floating Through

I have been thinking about this for quite some time. DO you ever sit there and think about someone who used to be such a big part of your life, and is no longer? The person that I played with as a child. The person who slept beside me for 10 years. The person who I ate breakfast with ever single morning for as long as I can recall. This person is no longer a key player in my life and though this does make me sad, I think that it is for the best. I know that we are so un-like one another that it just would not work out. Maybe we were only meant to be friends as children. Once we grew up I decided that I did not want people like her in my life. I have no room for lying attention getters. As sad as it is to say these things about her, it is all too true and I cannot change it. I enjoyed the times we spent together as children, but that is all and that is all I want to remember. I do not want to think of her in this negative way, because it will only damage me. So, as of now, I will no longer dwell on the negative aspects, I will think of all the times we flew down the hill on the wagon. Such fun we had on those summer and Autumn days. Such fun we had swimming in the river, and sledding down the hill behind our house. Such wonderful memories that I will always keep with me. In most cases, you should think about the now and the future. Here though, I am going to just think about the good things from our past, because those times were the ones I care about, the ones that matter. Have a good day! (I say this even though I know I only have one follower) :P 

plj<3 Meadow

Life: More than just a series of choices

Sometime you have to wonder if you have made the right decision about something. By choosing one thing, you miss the other. You chose cake instead of pie, right? Well, maybe you ate both, but in the instance where you can't have both... what can you do? So, you must ask yourself if you will regret it in the future, or will you learn to be happy because after all, the situation you currently sit in is not bad. Maybe you would pick something else ideally, but it's okay for now. Possibly even great, but could it be better? I think in circles and it gets me absolutely nowhere. Lovely. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lazdg-eqmQ

plj<3 Meadow

My first time...blogging. :P

I was sitting here reading some blogs and I decided to create one of my own. I thought it was a good plan, I guess we'll see how good of an idea it really when I neglect this for weeks at a time. I'll try not to do that, but we'll see. My goal for this is to blog at least every 4 days. Maybe someday I can change that to once every two days, but I'm going to start small. :) Anyhow, I'm not really sure what I will write, or "blog" about. Once I figure this thing out, I'll write more. For now though, I'll leave this alone and say goodnight!

plj<3Meadow