Day 1 ...again

   I have been saying that I want to lose weight since I was 12. I cannot honestly remember a time when I was at all comfortable with my body. That being said, I can remember a time when I could care less about how my body looked, because like most kids I was busy doing other things... like being a kid, for example. I was one of those kids who was always taller than you; kindergarten through 6th grade, you looked up at me. And then, in 7th grade, it hit! I remember walking into school on the first day of 7th grade and being absolutely shocked at how tall my peers had gotten over those glorious 3 months of freedom. I was still quite a bit taller than a lot of my classmates, at 5'7 (pretty average height for a female, I reckon) but that's NOT my point here, so I'll get back to it. The summer before 6th grade, I put on 20-30 or so pounds and grew a few inches. I later found that I wasn't actually destined to be any taller than 5'7, which somewhat disappointed me. It was that year that I really started to become aware of my body and the fact that I was, well fat, or so I thought. So, here was middle school Meadow standing 5 feet 7 inches and weighing it at about 150, then 160 where I stayed until my freshman year of college. Sure, there were times when I lost 10-12 pounds during volleyball season and whatnot, but for the most part, I stayed my same plump self. Onto college where I basically did nothing but stay indoors, study, and eat... I did a lot of eating, let me tell you. There are a lot of different types of people out there. Some people eat when their stressed, sad, mad, happy... you get the point. I am what I call a stress eater, but I also eat when I'm upset, or experiencing any emotion that is not optimal, really. To make a long and really boring story short, I gained 25 pounds from the time I graduated high school in June of 2010 until January of 2011 when I decided, come hell or high water, that I was going to shed this excess weight during 2011. It didn't matter if it took me all year, I was determined to make it work. Not only that, but I wanted to keep it off. So, I joined a gym, took a strength training class at school and started "watching what I ate." Before I knew it, I had dropped 17 pounds! I was ecstatic, ready to keep on truckin' and shedding those pounds until I reached my goal weight. And then... I went on vacation. Let me tell you, it was all downhill from there. That was near 3 months ago and I have almost gained back Every. Single. Pound. 
   
   At first, I was disgusted with myself. I did everything in my power to avoid the mirror: dress in the dark, shower with your eyes closed... You know those days when you're just so down on yourself. "You're such a fat cow. You'll never be successful at anything. You'lll never be in control of anything important, never make a difference. Hell, ya can't even control your own body, you fattie." Maybe I get a bit carried away sometimes, but don't we all? Like I said, that was my initial reaction. I have now been enlightened (hopefully this state of enlightenment lasts) and I have decided that this is just another hurdle, and I am capable of getting over it. And when I do get over it, and I say when because I WILL get over it... I am going to be, for lack of a better word, foxy. ;] 

   My plan? Well, I'm starting off with small goals. Goals that I can easily see, because at this point, it's difficult to imagine my body at 140-145 pounds. I recently purchased Jillian Michaels 'Ripped In 30' DVD and today was day ein. I'll tell you right now, it kicked my ass, but I feel good. I mean, I will feel good when my body gets used to the workouts, but right now I feel like crawling into a ball and hiding. So, I lied... I don't feel good, but I have foresight, you see? I know that I will eventually feel really good. On top of that, I took a 2 mile run, which didn't feel great either, not yet that is. And now, here I am. I am going to make this work. I am going to focus and I am going to find one thing to motivate me every day. Losing weight doesn't happen overnight (unless you had a baby, then technically, yeah) but it is possible. It's a journey that takes drive and an appetite (pardon the pun) to change the way you feel, look, and think. You have to actually want to be a healthier you. At the end of the day, that's the most important thing: your health. Feeling great, and looking AWESOME are just perks, right? 

   Today is the 6th day of September, that means that I have just under 4 months to lose this weight. I'm going to try to post at least once a week, about my progress and how I'm feeling. My nest post will be my measurements and maybe (if I can conjure up the courage) I'll post a few "before" photos. We'll see. I know that I don't really have anyone reading this, but it's a good way to help myself feel organized, I reckon. 

 There it is. Here I go! I hope you have a great week. :)  


Meadow 
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"It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect It's successful outcome." William James